Does Anger Have a Good or Bad place in our Lives?

Have you ever become angry at someone and regretted what you said? Do you dislike getting angry? Yet anger seems to be generally a part of our lives. Clearly not the only part, but a part that can offer us a great deal but also can render setbacks. It has many meanings and can give us a lot of knowledge about ourselves. Frequently we can sense internally a stimulus that provokes a feeling of hurt, pain, or fear, that can sometimes lead to a surge to take up for ourselves. It can prompt us to perform. One can choose to act out the feeling of anger by spewing it out. Or we can process it and then make a responsible choice. The latter requires a deepening of self-knowledge and inner wisdom as to what to do. It can be an awakening when one chooses to take some time to reflect and then act and not simply react. 

Anger has a shaping ability. It can be a strong force for good or bad. For good when we stand up for ourselves, e.g. when someone steps on our toes. For bad when we harm others. What do we want to do with our anger? How can we transform it? Listen to it? Find out the wisdom in our anger? Unpack it. Let it bake and cool off and then act? This process is important for anger can be complex. It can disrupt our flow of life. We may need to pick up some pieces, gain our composure, reorganize our mental edge, and move forward in wise ways! 

One can choose to let go of a bad habit and learn to venture forth on a new front, e.g., the spirit of non-violence. Peace can also have a shaping ability for comforting; self-compassion; quieting of the spirit. Looking at how to feed peace and non-violence: 

Six Principles of Non Violence: King Center 

I. Non-violence is a way of life for Courageous People

II. Non-violence seeks to win friendship and understanding.

III. Nonviolence Seeks To defeat Injustice not people

IV. Nonviolence holds that suffering can educate and transform.

V. Non-violence chooses Love instead of hate.

VI. Nonviolence Believes that the universe is on the Side of Justice 

Maturana, a biologist from Chile, defines ‘violence’ as holding an idea to be true such that another’s idea is wrong and must change. He defines ‘love’ as opening space for the existent of another. 

Practical Ideas: 

• What goes on inside of a person when temper starts to rise? What color is it? What is its shape? What kind of image comes to mind? A person? An animal?
• When does my temper flair up? When I do not get my way? When my boundaries are violated?
• What do you want to do with anger/temper—react quickly or take some time and think about what makes sense for you to do?
• How do we create Healing Conversations?
• How do we create Transforming Conversations? Vs. Deteriorating Conversations or Pathologizing Conversations?

We all have a wealth of information from our daily lived experiences and many occasions to reflect on these experiences to deepen our conscious knowledge and pursue new frontiers for shaping our lives!